I am ready to be raw and share about our conception journey after yesterday’s consultation with the fertility center. ❤️🩹
After my last MRI in 2020 we started working on conceiving and I’ve made random little remarks in my posts regarding this, but haven’t been ready to fully share yet until now.
I never realized how emotional this can be and how others’ tips and advice actually doesn’t do anything other than create frustration for me, even knowing that they’re wanting to be helpful… I too was that person who would try to give advice not knowing how deep the emotions run when you actually experience it. 🥺
I started fertility acupuncture beginning of this year, had energy healing around it, completed a super strict 30 day deep cellular detox to release any remains of radiation, chemo, and heavy metals that were discovered through two bio diagnostics with the same holistic natural path nutritionist I used during chemo who happens to be a fertility expert of 23 years and has now given me her pregnancy formula of supplements.
I got my hormonal panel lab work done in March and unfortunately my baby making hormones are not optimal. 😢
That in itself was a rollercoaster of emotions! Especially come to find out that it could have been due to the radiation and chemo. 😭
As much as I believe in a MAGICAL lifestyle, which I still do by the way, these lab results definitely took me for a loop and yet I came back strong KNOWING intuitively that I WILL get pregnant! 🤰🏻
Initially I desired a natural pregnancy, but finally surrendered the HOW and WHEN! 🏳
Intuitively I know it’s going to happen, yet physically my body is doing her own thing. Ever since this year, my menstruation cycle has been irregular, whether I get it a week+ in advance or even worse, a week+ delayed. 😳
Why worse? Well there’s the whole TWW and so many other acronyms I’ve been learning through this journey, but for me that Two Week Wait has become a 3WW+ since currently I’m late by over a week and pregnancy tests show negative. 😞
I’ve been regular since I started my cycles at the young age of 9, which could also be one of the reasons I’m experiencing what I am so soon! 😣
And of course many say “well you’re 40, your clock is ticking” 😒 which is triggering by the way… it’s not like I had a fucking choice! I had a stage 4 brain tumor that had us make the choice to wait for a couple of years and then when we decided to conceive last year, we had a fucking scare of a possible regrowth, so YES, I’m PISSED about the situation and been crying and yelling about it! 🤬
I did have a powerful healing around it last night during our weekly meditation and released SO MUCH! I feel like I can breathe again! 😮💨
We do have two frozen embryos that I told the doctor we want to be last resort, so next step is to have my ovaries assessed for the actual egg supply and quality to see what other options we have before using the embryos. 💖🥚💙
And now I continue to put out to the Universe my vision of babies and request of you to hold this in mind for me as well! 🪄🤰🏻👧🏻👦🏻🦄
I am grateful for those that have been there for me in the last few months before fully sharing publicly to all of you! 🤗
I know more people are beginning to share their fertility challenges and journeys, which is wonderful to see! 🥰 There is nothing like having support of so many! 🤩
I KNOW it was the Power of LOVE, light, healing vibes, and prayers that had me heal so quickly in regards to the brain tumor and now I KNOW that same POWER & VIBES will create the same MAGIC for us! 🤰🏻🤰🏻🤰🏻
That said, I’m off to volleyball to release and ground myself, which has been the biggest blessing the last few months! 😍
Thank you for reading and I will continue to journal publicly through this journey! 📓
