As long as I can remember I never felt like I fit in or belong, and always felt different. 🤷🏻♀️
Many times I would stay quiet and nod in agreement when internally I did NOT actually agree just to fit in. 😳
This would happen more so with new people or at school or work…
I would keep all my pictures on social media private and keep to myself, which underneath it was the fear of judgment of course. 🙄
I always had the urge to speak up at events or seminars, even in class, and always admired those that could speak in front of a big crowd…
Again, it was that fear of judgment that would stop me. 😒
Until I started working on myself to release and heal layers of limiting beliefs that I had subconsciously created due to various experiences in my young years…
One of the biggest that shaped all of the above was my 5th grade teach saying to me in front of other kids when I asked her a question (because I was very curious as a child and asked lots of questions):
“OMG Anuschka! How did you make it to the 5th grade?!” 😤
Resulting in the kids around my table all laughing at me… 🫥
The humiliation changed ME and the trajectory of my life! 🫣
I was so mortified and ashamed of myself that I never even shared this with my parents. 😞
I stopped asking questions and HAD to figure everything out on my own, and the couple times I did finally ask a question of course the pattern repeated itself…
My 9th grade teacher laughed at me saying “how are you in IB”! 😬
And then again at my first software programming career at Echostar, where a colleague literally said: “you’re so stupid, how are you not getting this?!” 🤬
I was irate and went for a walk to calm down as obviously this was a HUGE trigger, and then of course I went to my manager after I calmed down.
The next day he brought me a banana to apologize, wtf is that?! 🤨
It was the first time I stood up for myself and told him he has no right to talk to me in such a way, and I’m pretty sure I scared him a bit from the look on his face and after that day he kissed my a$$ for the rest of the short time I was there.
I realized much later after working on myself that he was just an insecure man since I was his project manager who had the upper hand for the same project that I was also a programmer for… I had many roles. 🤷🏻♀️
Thankfully, nowadays after having done a TON of personal transformation, self development, as well as releasing and HEALing those limiting beliefs from my subconscious and Energetic system, I am able to be authentically myself and share myself fully knowing there are those out there who don’t agree and are judging me…
Especially on social media since I share myself openly and I’ve actually felt the judgment from certain people. 😜
As I said, I’m not everyone’s cup of tea AND I’m good with that because it’s what makes me UNIQUE, an UNCONDITIONALLY LOVING person to those in my inner circle, an AMAZING Coach & Healer to my clients, and an INSPIRING person to follow for those that can handle all that I share. 🥰
AND I can easily ask questions now even if they seem stupid as well as speak publicly as I was meant to, even though a bit of that “I don’t fit in or belong; I’m different” crawls its way into the background.
I am UNAPOLOGETICALLY MYSELF and believe each of YOU can be too if it’s what your soul desires, so if this resonates and you could benefit from support on this, then consider getting UNCOMFORTABLE and contacting me for Next Level guidance and releasing those limiting beliefs that have been stopping YOU from living authentically in 2023! 👥
And WHEN you’re ready AND committed to making mind blowing changes in YOUR life, schedule that Complimentary Consultation to see what services best suits YOU!👇🏼